So yesterday, Friday morning, I read the most read facebook post for that day. It was one that might open the door to talk more openly about a usually hush hush topic. The post was by Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and it announced that he and his wife were expecting a baby girl BUT his post also contained some sad news as well. Zuckerberg told of the struggles he and his wife had with carrying a child and opened up that they had three miscarriages in the past couple years. I am sorry for their losses but I am happy to hear someone, who is well known, open up about this struggle because hopefully it will allow more to discussion on the topic.
I care about this topic as my story is very similar as I had two miscarriages before successfully having David. My husband and I are a little farther along in our story then they are, as we are holding our precious son. So, even though I don’t know the full details of their losses, I am sure it is very similar to us as they are healthy individuals and the same age. His post mentioned how people don’t like talking about it because you are afraid that you are defective or did something wrong. Majority of miscarriages aren’t given a specific reason that they happened due to further testing needing to be done (I don’t have any reason why mine happened) and usually if there is a specific reason it isn’t anything the parents could have prevented.
My husband and I opened up about our two miscarriages on Facebook back in April of 2014 before we were even expecting David but in comparison to Zuckerberg our post was seen by very few. But we did have friends reach out with similar stories to ours and other friends that came along and supported us. We would never have known about the other friends if we hadn’t first posted our story. I do pray that our society will open up the discussion on this topic because it effects roughly 30% of all pregnancies (See this article for some stats). I believe one reason people don’t like talking about this because we want to believe that pregnancy is a beautiful and wonderful experience. While that can be true for some it isn’t for others.
I also believe that the reason our society doesn’t tell friends and families that they are pregnant until after the first trimester is due to miscarriages. It is so miscarriages can stay a secret or hidden. But, for me, once I had my miscarriage I wanted to tell friends and families right away so that they can rejoice with the coming child but also be there for me if anything happened which did occur. I was not one who wanted to struggle alone with my struggle.
I will follow up with more posts containing information about our miscarriages, what happened, the emotional side, and how we handled them and our successful pregnancy of David. I will tell you right now that the biggest help while I was going through that year and half was friends that had been where I had been. No one can truly know what YOU are going through but to have similar situations can provide a better shoulder and listening ear. I also feel blessed that I can reach out to others that are going through pregnancy struggles of their own.
Since my miscarriages I pray for every friend that gets pregnant that they will be able to hold their sweet baby. I would never wish someone to lose a child before or after meeting them. I do hold onto my faith that my two children are in heaven and I will be able to meet them someday. I am a mom to three even though I only hold my firstborn son. God has given me strength to make it through that trial and now I have a ministry to reach out to others.
I hope you are encouraged by this and my following posts about my struggles and if you are going through a miscarriage or infertility please know that you are in my prayers. And that you can make it through this even when you are having the bad days. Just remember you are not alone and you are loved.