First Joy

I have decided that I am going to tell the story of my pregnancy journey on Friday. My story of loss and joy which took almost 18 months to hold our firstborn in my arms. I will make sure to link each part in case you miss a Friday. I pray I will touch someone going through a loss as well as let others know how it is like going through it. Today will start off with my first joy, my first pregnancy before I lost the baby.

So to start my pregnancy journey I will let you know how it led up to the joy of announcing our first pregnancy. When we got married we thought we would have our first child after 3-4 years of marriage. In our minds this gave us time to settle into living together and strengthening our marriage first. But then 11 months after we were married we moved to Washington, rather unexpectedly. So at that point in time I decided I wanted to baby sooner and we decided to let God be in control of when we got pregnant. This meant we weren’t preventing anything but we weren’t technically “trying to conceive”.

My husband dreaded the idea of having a baby. He did want children but he was unsure of being a dad and didn’t think he was ready for it. I, on the other hand, had dreamed of being a mother my whole life. I was the little girl that wanted to be just like my mom but with more children like 15 (that was before I knew what that really meant). And even into teenager years and looking at college all I really wanted to be was a mom so I was excited for the possibility of children.

During the year that followed I was very cautious about taking pregnancy tests because I didn’t want to get my hope up. In the summer of 2013 a few friends announced their pregnancies and that was a turning point for my husband. He know what a baby for my sake.

At the end of September we spent a wonderful WP_20130930_008weekend in Southern California enjoying the beach, the sun, and Disneyland. We were both in the best shape of our adult life and was happy. We returned from that trip, not pregnant, and I started at a temporary job at the end of October. The temporary job was to run until beginning of February.

I remember the day I looked at my husband at the beginning of November and I told him that I might be pregnant. I hadn’t taken a test yet but in my calculations I was way past when I should know if I wasn’t pregnant. It was in the evening and he told me to take a test to know for sure. But I wanted to wait for the morning because information says if you are early in the pregnancy that the tests are most accurate in the morning when the hormones are the strongest.

Since I was working full-time at the temporary job and working about 5-10 hours additionally at Gap (I worked at Gap since the summer we first moved up to Washington to fill my time and meet people) I didn’t have time to test before work. This was because I like my sleep and being pregnant wasn’t even enough to wake up 5 minutes earlier before running off to work. But that didn’t mean I didn’t bring the test along with me to the office.

I got to the office and started getting everything prepped for the day when my husband texted if I had tested yet. So I walked down to the restroom and decided to see what it said. So I played the waiting game that all women know and then looked down to what I thought was a faint second line. I took a secondWP_20131112_001 look and I knew I saw it. So I texted a photo to my husband and he agreed. I was sooo excited!! I couldn’t believe the blessing that was to come in to my life. I wanted to tell everyone but do it really creatively.

Now it was early November and we were traveling to Arizona to see family for Thanksgiving which was two weeks away so my husband asked me not to tell them until we got there. So I had time to decide what creative thing I wanted to do. But first thing was calling the OBGYN office for an appointment which sadly wasn’t going to until 8 weeks which meant after Thanksgiving. We also made an appointment to tour a birth center which was my ideal place to go but wanted my husband to be comfortable with it.

I know we were never planning to be the couple that hid our pregnancy until the 12/14 week mark so we went ahead a told select friends. These friends were a couple we were having dinner with, my girls night women and my coworkers at Gap. I remember having an early shift with just my visual manager at Gap before heading into my temporary job when I decided to tell her. We were working hard when I finally told her I was pregnant. She threw her arms around me and was so excited. I also called my younger sister, who wouldn’t be home for Thanksgiving, and told her but she couldn’t tell anyone else. She said it was so hard keeping the secret from my mom but she did it.

During the two weeks a found a great Pinterest idea to tell our family. It was  a count down block set. I made one for my parents and parent-in-laws. My parents is shown below and says weeks until they were grandparents because it would be their first grandchild. And my parent-in-laws just said until their grandchild because they were already grandparents.WP_20131118_005I remember the Sunday before leaving for Thanksgiving standing in church during worship filled with awe that God had given me a child. I was thinking of the blessing it would be and how excited I was. I started thinking of my hopes and dreams for the baby and who the baby would be.

We arrived in very late on Wednesday to Phoenix where we went straight to bed so it was easy keeping the secret until Thanksgiving day. My parents picked us up to go to my grandparents house. I couldn’t wait until we got there so I handed my mom the gift with the blocks and told her to open it. She actually didn’t get it at first but only after my older sister had saw it. They were all so excited for the first grandchild. We got to talk all about babies with my grandma that Thanksgiving. It was wonderful memory to cherish.WP_20131028_004

Then later that afternoon we went to my husband’s family celebration and gave them the box with the blocks in it. My mother-in-law opened the box in the kitchen surrounded by her friends and was so excited. She was very happy and loved the gift. I spent the rest of the evening calling my brothers and their wives to tell them the news since they hadn’t come into town. It was a fun day of answering questions and celebrating with family. It was a joyful Thanksgiving day.

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