January of 2014 came and went with struggles but in a more routine way if that can be true. I hated going to work and acting like nothing had happened but I had made a commitment to stay there twelve weeks. I didn’t feel like telling strangers at work that wouldn’t care about me in a few months what had happened. That job finally came to the end at the beginning of February. I was so happy when it ended right before Super Bowl Sunday.
So I am not sure if you all have heard of the puppy bowl that runs on Animal Planet during the Super Bowl but my husband loves recording it and watching the puppies that are up for adoption. This created a desire in him to get a puppy even though we already had Samson. He convinced me by saying that he had never had a puppy of his own and I knew if we didn’t get it now then the puppy would actually be our children’s not my husbands. I said yes and we were to pick the puppy up on February 18th.
Since February is my birthday month my husband planned a wonderful getaway for my birthday. We both needed some time away for just us. So for the second year in a row we were going to head to Friday Harbor in the San Juan Islands and stay at the same wonderful bed and breakfast. It sounded like a much needed escape.
Now usually once you have a miscarriage you plan to be more careful on the next pregnancy even if you didn’t have a set reason for the loss and it was pretty clear you didn’t do anything wrong. But also my doctor said there was no need to wait to try again. We weren’t actually trying but allowing God’s timing to take place. But I wasn’t going to take any chances and our suite at the bed and breakfast had a hot tub and I was excited to use it. But two days before we were heading up to Friday Harbor I realized I was late and not wanting to be ignorant of a pregnancy I decided to test. So I took a pregnancy test the next morning.
I am really deliberate about taking the pregnancy tests. I make sure I leave the test on the toilet and don’t go back into the room until it has been at least 5 minutes. I don’t want to get sad if I haven’t given it enough time and it just hasn’t shown up. So when I returned to the bathroom there it was a clear positive pregnancy test. My husband had purchased the digital tests this time around so there was no looking for a pink line it either stated pregnant or not pregnant. I was so excited! God had blessed us with another little one and according to statistic I should have a lower risk of miscarriage.
I ran to the bed to tell my husband. We were going to celebrate my birthday and our future baby. I did have some fear creep in but I kept telling myself that God was in control and he knew the outcome. We called both of our parents right away. There was no waiting around this time. We wanted our family to know and pray for us.
That weekend was beautiful. We walked the island with just my husband, Samson, and myself. Rob bought a cute bouquet for me after our first dinner on the island. We went to Coho Café for their preset Valentine’s Day dinner which was delicious especially the chocolate lover’s dessert. We did have some problems with Samson barking while he was in his kennel back at the bed and breakfast so we didn’t get to explore as much as we wanted to by ourselves. I picked up some used children’s book for our coming baby. It was a weekend celebrating both my birthday and our new little one to come.
We went in for our 8 week appointment at the beginning of March. It was nice because my mom was in town and my husband came with me too. That really helped put me at ease as we went into the doctor’s office. It was also wonderful having them there with me for the first small ultrasound. It isn’t as good as the ultrasound you get at 12 weeks or 20 weeks but it showed the little start of our baby looking good. The doctor was pretty sure she saw a flickering heartbeat and it seemed to measure on schedule.
That first appointment put me pretty well at ease since we had already come farther then the first pregnancy since we made it to that appointment. Through this pregnancy I held on to God and trusted him. I prayed Psalms 139:13-14, “For you formed my inward parts; you wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” I also held onto Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” And the last verse that I treasured was Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who are called according to his purpose.”
I had to trust that this pregnancy was in God’s hands. I prayed daily and reminded myself with the verse above. It wasn’t something that I could control but I prayed to hold my baby in my hands.
Previous posts on my journey to motherhood: