A brief week off of my story of my journey to motherhood to talk about one feeling that came up while struggling through my miscarriages.
So I am an advocate of a special waiting room for women with losses. I remember the follow up appointment I had with my OBGYN a few days after my confirmation of the miscarriage in 2013. It was very hard to sit even for the 10 minutes in the waiting room seeing all the beautiful pregnant women walking in. Also at that visit there was a brand new baby and new mom being seen. That was probably the most difficult thing to see because I had just lost my baby.
The second miscarriage I had to go see my doctor for almost a month because I was farther along and she wanted to make sure that everything cleared up fine. I also had to have a full ultrasound at the same day and time that was scheduled for us to see our fully formed 12 week along baby. It was so hard because the desire to be where those moms, both with a belly or holding a baby, was strong and the loss harder.
I know one appointment I got stuck out in the waiting room for about 20 minutes and I was wishing to go up and ask if I could just sit in an exam room. It was hard because your stomach is already in knots and your grieving without having to see those happy around you. Also, no one else knows that you are grieving while they move around you happy. You don’t have a sign that says you just experienced a loss. It is like you are in your own world of pain.
I remember when I celebrated my little man hitting his 12 week mark with a healthy ultrasound and heartbeat that the nurse that had seen me through my miscarriages with my doctor got excited and hugged me. She had a student shadowing her that day and the student said that it was for the joy of pregnancies was why was she interested in this specialty. I had to turn to her and tell her that being in an OBGYN office doesn’t always bring joy that I had struggled through two losses and the nurse, Angela, had been there for those too. I should have continued to tell her that the miscarriage rate is 30% so that means she would be seeing loss about a quarter of the time.
In the end I do believe that OBGYN offices need a waiting room for those that need to be separated from the beautiful moms. It shouldn’t be required for all who miscarry but the option would have helped me immensely. After two losses I would rather not have been surrounded by those where I wanted to be.