What do I really want?
Have you asked yourself that? Chances are that you have and you will continue to all your life.
Yesterday during my son’s super long nap that thought got me thinking.
Because I struggle with what I think I should want, what society says I should want, and what I really want. Do you know what I am talking about?
It started with me not feeling productive enough because I was just sitting cross stitching watching my show. I don’t turn on tv while my son is up so I think I was feeling guilty that I was watching so much in one day. I was sitting and I felt guilty that I should be busy doing something but doing what?
Wasn’t I being creative? Wasn’t I being productive with my cross stitch? Wasn’t I doing what I really wanted to?
The answer was yes to all of those.
So what was the problem?
I was feeling guilty that I didn’t have a million things on my to do list as a mom and that I didn’t want to workout constantly. Both those thoughts come from either things I think are better or things that I have heard from blogs, news, tv, etc that are better.
But here is my reality.
I am never going to be that super fit mom. I am never going to be the mom that wakes up at 5am to get her exercise on. I am never going to be that mom that workouts everyday twice a week to look like the Tone It Up girls.
I don’t love exercise that much. I have always thought that being an exercise instructor looked fun but in reality I am not that person. I like taking classes and I like lifting weights some. I am completely my couch to 5K and hopefully then run 5Ks on a regular basis. I walk about twice a day with my son, dog, and husband. I am planning on swimming laps about twice a week and I am doing Pilates or stretching a few times a week at home.
Now writing that out sounds like a lot but when you look at true super fit people that isn’t anything. But it keeps me healthy and able to take care of my home. It gives me the ability to lift and carry my 14 month old. It gives me the ability to chase and play with my son. And it does make me feel good.
Then I am not a good dieter! I want to make it more of a lifestyle change but I am never going to be the clean, green, protein girl. I am never going to be the dairy free, sugar free, gluten free girl. I am never going to be the 100% healthy eating girl.
I don’t love that. I want to live life and enjoy baking yummy delicious cakes, pies, cookies. I want to enjoy delicious waffles, pancakes, French toast. I want to eat healthy the majority of the time but enjoy life with food. That means sugar, dairy, none clean eating. It means choosing what I want to eat. Goal is overall to be healthy.
Lastly, I am not going to be that super organized mom. I am not going to be the house must be spotless from top to bottom before I sit down. I am not going to be the everything has a spot mom. I am not going to be the always on the go mom.
Because I like my time. I like my crafts. I like to cross stitch, quilt, sew, and make things with my hands. Those things are what makes my house my home. It isn’t ever going to be how clean the house is or how much I have done in a day. It is my hands making loving items for my home, my friends, my family.
I feel a little bad admitting that when I think back how much work they had to do in the prairie days and much longer ago. But then I realized those moms got to sew and quilt because of necessity but I believe that was also their crafty and me time. It was time to sit down and be creative. My life is easier but I still need crafty time.
So what I really wanted yesterday was to just sit in front of the tv cross stitching. I find it relaxing and creative. I have a goal to finish my project and then I will find something else. I don’t neglect what really needs to be done but I realized I just have to be happy being me and not being someone else because of pressure or guilt.
What do you really want?